Welcome to Britain

HM Queen Elizabeth II Hosts a Reception for the London-Hosted G20 2009 Summit

Dear Foreign Leader,

Firstly, let us take this opportunity to welcome you to our fair isle. We are aware that this may be your first visit to the United Kingdom in your capacity as a Head of State or Representative of the People, for some of you, so let us make sure you understand that your input in the following meeting will be greatly appreciated. For your information, we have decided to warn you of a few things you may encounter upon your arrival: -

1) Watch out for those Pesky Protesters
We have this ridiculous notion of a thing called "Free Speech", but pay no attention to these people;. They are under the deluded impression that such freedom actually gives them the opportunity, or even the right, to make a difference. They may stomp and shout, but the roar is far louder than the words themselves.

2) A popular TV chef is doing the catering
We understand your concerns over eating British Food (bad, mad and dangerous to eat), but we've managed to rope in a famous person to cook for you, so you need not worry. Do bring a packed lunch, though, to be on the safe side.

3) Ignore questions from the press
Being a politician, you're probably pretty expert at this, but still; if you've not met them before, the British Press can be startling.

4) See the sights
London is an amazing city, make sure you get the chance to look at at the pretty buildings; maybe blag free entry by offering to give a speech inside. The photo opportunities are endless.

5) Talk about some important things affecting the world
By all means have fun, but remember what you're here for.

We do hope this will serve as a useful guide to you, and that your visit is fun and productive.

Yours ever-so-insincerely,

Mrs Brittania (the one who used to rule the waves)