I'm Not Cole Porter

Cole Porter (1891 - 1964); Lyrical Genius

I'm not going to think about you any more.
I've had enough of waking up
And hearing your name

Repeating, repeating.

I'm not going to look at you in the corridor,
When you smile I'll not respond.
It'll never stop and start

Like the beat, beat, beat of the tom-tom.

Don't flatter yourself; there's no song for you.
I hung up my pen a long time ago,
Just like he did.

But when they begin the Beguine...

Enough is enough is enough is enough.
Thackeray's more important,
And Trollope, too.

I'm NOT Cole Porter,
So DON'T rain on my parade.

The first real crush I ever had was on a boy called Josh. He was a year younger than I and so beautiful: mixed-race (my favourite), friendly, fit, and walking the ambiguous line separating the masculine and feminine. While I was studying for my A-levels (pre-university qualifications, for those of you who don't know), I would gaze at him across the dining hall and theatre auditorium slowly undressing him, holding him close to me and... well, I'm sure you can imagine the rest. I wasn't helping myself by listening to Ella Fitzgerald, Dionne Warwick and Diana Krall enchantedly singing lyrics of desperate and uncertain love. I remember borrowing a CD of Ella Fitzgerald singing the songs of Cole Porter. The combination of my obsession - I mean, crush - and Ella's voice giving life to Porter's lyrics nearly drove me mad. I couldn't risk trying anything, and I only told two people, one of whom was a teacher, and my only other outlet was to write.

You may not have heard of the name Cole Porter, but I'm pretty certain you've heard his work. "I've Got You Under My Skin", "Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love)", "Begin the Beguine", "Night and Day", "Anything Goes", "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" are just a few of his most famous songs - for which wrote both the music and lyrics. If you're ever in love - or think you're in love - I urge you not to listen to his music!

Thank goodness I'm now an emotional vacuum with a heart of blackened stone...