Wednesday, 20 May 2009

"I don't need to take drugs to have a good time, I only need sniff the air to feel high..."

What on earth is going on, here...?

Last week, I read a funny news story online. I told myself "I ought to put it in the blog". Then my good friend ka-os|theory went and did that for me. He then had the shameless cheek (he has two, actually) to pass it on to me. I'm not one to pick up sloppy seconds, but on this occasion I'll make an exception.

According to some government institute, here in Madrid, the slighty onimously-named Superior Council of Scientific Investigations (in spanish it sounds a lot less threatening, I assure you), Madrid's air is laced with cocaine! It explains a lot.

The Spanish are, to put it politely, an exciteable lot. It's why I like them. You can stay up until 4am, go to bed, then get up in a couple of hours, bright and early for work beginning at 8.30. For all self-destructive hedonists, Madrid is something of a Mecca. If I were to tell you some of my post-midnight stories...

Anyway, have a look at the article for yourself. Of course, it's a load of old guff; but fun guff, nonetheless. And, for the sheer nonsensical fun of it, here's Whigfield with her opening lyrics "Saturday night, I feel the air is getting hot." Say it all, really...


On This Day...

James Stewart in Harvey, playing Elwood P Dowd, one of his most famous roles

History

1506 - Christopher Columbus dies in Valladolid, Spain.

1520 - Herán Cortés defeats Spanish troops that had been sent to punish him in Mexico.

1690 - England passes the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of James II.

1774 - Britain's Parliament passes the Coercive Acts to punish the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British behaviour.

1775 - North Carolina becomes the first colony to declare its independence. 86 years later, in 1861 it is the eleventh state to secede from the Union.

1830 - The fountain pen is patented by H.D. Hyde.

1874 - Levi Strauss begins marketing blue jeans with copper rivets.

1902 - The US military occupation of Cuba ends.

1927 - Charles Lindbergh takes off from New York to cross the Atlantic for Paris aboard his aeroplane the Spirit of St. Louis. The trip took 33 1/2 hours.

1932 - Amelia Earhart takes off to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.

1939 - The first telecast over telephone wires is sent from Madison Square Garden to the NBC-TV studios at 30 Rockefeller Center in Manhattan. The event was a bicycle race.

1939 - The first regular air-passenger service across the Atlantic Ocean begins with the take-off of the Yankee Clipper from Port Washington, New York.

1978 - Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, becomes the first woman to run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 3,000 miles.

1990 - The Hubble Space Telescope sends back its first photographs.

1993 - The final episode of Cheers is aired on NBC-TV.

1996 - The US Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination.

Happy Birthday
William Thornton, American inventor and painter; designed the United States Capitol: 1759 - 1828

Honoré de Balzac, French novelist: 1799 - 1850

John Stuart Mill, British philosopher: 1806 - 1873

William George Fargo, American expressman, organizer of Wells, Fargo & Company, currently known as American Express: 1818 - 1881

Henri Julien Félix Rousseau, French painter: 1844 - 1910

Jimmy Stewart, American actor (Philadelphia Story, The Glenn Miller Story, It’s a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Harvey): 1908 - 1997

William R. Hewlett, Co-founder of Hewlett-Packard Company (HP): 1913 - 2001

Joe Cocker, British singer and songwriter: b.1944

Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre), American "singer" and "actress" (Moonstruck, The Witches of Eastwick, Silkwood, Mask): b.1946

Busta Rhymes, American rapper: b.1972

Sunday, 17 May 2009

News Brief: 11/05/09 - 17/05/09

Click on the images to be redirected

Obama "to revive military trials"
"US Preseident Barack Obama is expected to announce on Friday [15th May] that he is reviving military trials for some of the detainees at Guantánamo Bay..." - Hmm...

German Motorway Strewn With Notes
"A man in Germany discovered the dangers of driving an open-top car when an envelope containing 23 000 euros (£20 600) blew off the back seat..." - Serves him right for being careless! What's a glove compartment for, apart from gloves?

Eurozone Economies Contract 2.5%
"The economies of the 16 countries that make up the eurozone declined by 2.5% in the first three months of 2009, the EU's statistics agency Eurostat said..." - In the words of John Wayne "aw, shit!"

Miss California Keeps Her Title
"Carrie Prejean is to be allowed to keep her Miss California title, in spite of allegations she broke her contract by posing for semi-nude photographs..." - Are we really surprised? The same state voted against same-sex marriage. Who really gives a shit what some preened idiot thinks of us, anyway?

Big Ambitions For Small Loans
"A teacher by training, Lynne Randolph Patterson never expected to find herself at the helm of a multi-national financial services company..." - Consdering the current financial climate, I can't figure out whether this is altruism or a new method of exploitation. I really want to believe in the former...

Secret Tianenmen Memoirs Revealed
"The memoirs of China's former communist leader who was sacked after the Tianenmen protests have been published..." - This should provide an interesting read.

Straw Drops Secret Inquest Plans
"The government is dropping plans to hold secret inquests without juries, Justice Secretary Jack Straw has said..." - Good! The less the UK turns into a Kafaesque/Orwellian mixture the better.

UK Workers becoming "overskilled"
"There are now too few jobs for UK graduates, and the gap between the supply of high-level workers and jobs for them is growing, a report suggests..." - In the words of John Wayne (again) "aw, shit!"

German and French Exams Show Drop
"One in five secondary schools is not presenting candidates for Higher German and one in 10 do not offer Higher French, BBC Scotland has learned..." - Urgh! The British arrogance regarding foreign languages disgusts and embarrasses me. Spanish, at least, is beneffitting from this deficit.

Ice Sheet Melt Threat Reassessed
"The collapse of a major polar ice sheet will not raise global sea levels as much as previous projections suggest, a team of scientists has calculated..." - Well, that's good. Doesn't mean we should all stop bothering about carbon emissions and recycling, though.

The Plant That Can Water Itself
"In the deserts of Israel, there is a plant that can water itself..." - No problems for this little fella, then, in times of environmental crisis.


Caught in the Crossfire: The Swat Valley's Fleeing Families
"Declan Walsh seeks out the refugees trapped in a brutal war between Pakistan's army and the Taliban after an uneasy and short-lived truce..." - why the army thought they could ever make a truce with the Taliban is beyond me, and now these poor civilians are paying for it.

Repossessions Rise by 50%
"A total of 12,800 homes were repossessed by lenders in the first three months of the year, 50% more than in the first quarter of last year, the Council of Mortgage Lenders (CML) said today...." - With most people renting privately, and the lists for council housing becoming ever longer, no-one is safe. Thanks very much Baroness Thatcher: I hope they come for your house, one day.

Sex and God Do Mix: According to "Catholic Karma Sutra"
"The correct Roman Catholic sexual position is not, as many might imagine, missionary, infrequent and with the lights out, but 'saucy, surprising and fantasy packed'..." - and then you tell your pervy preist all about it, afterwards, in the confession box.

Forget the Concertos or Whatever, Was Mozart Hot?
"Looks trump talent these days – and nowhere more so than in the US. Now even historical figures get the 'hottie' treatment..." - Goodness me, won't someone save us from ourselves!


Zapatero beats Rajoy in a National Debate for the Fourth Consecutive Time
"The Spanish Prime Minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, has won the State of the Nation Debate for the fourth consecutive time against leader of the opposition Partido Popular [Popular Party: Conservatives], Mariano Rajoy, according to the opinion of the Spanish public released this Friday [15th May] by Centro de Investigaciones Sociológicas (CIS; Sociological Research Centre). For 37% of the poll, the Prime Minister affirmed his authority in the debate this week in the Congress, against 14.4% who think Rajoy came out stronger..." - Not only are the PP a frightfully unpopular party, at the moment, but Rajoy is neither outspoken nor charismatic enough to even be thought of as a possible leader of the country. Having said that, we should always stay on guard.


BONUS NEWS ITEM
US Jail Workers Fired for Stun Gun Stunt
"Three US prison employees have been sacked for demonstrating their stun guns by zapping children..." - Ha! The little b@stards probably deserved it.

Comments welcome!

Image of the Week: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791), my favourite classical composer; he's not too bad looking, either...

On This Day...

Frederick Douglass, American abolitionist, women's suffragist, editor, orator, author, statesman and reformer; 1818-1895

1630 - Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface.

1792 - The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall Street by 24 brokers.

1814 - Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.

1877 - The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was installed by Edwin T. Holmes.

1881 - Frederick Douglass was appointed recorder of deeds for Washington, DC.

1932 - The US Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico."

1940 - Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the invasion of France.

1954 - The US Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were inherently unequal.

1973 - The US Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings.

1980 - Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.

1985 - Bobby Ewing "died" on the season finale of Dallas on CBS-TV. He returned the following season, with the revalation of an entire year's worth of storylines being nothing but a lengthy and elaborate dream.

1996 - US President Clinton signed a measure requiring neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was raped and killed in 1994.

1997 - Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.

2000 - Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to police in Birmingham, Alabama. The two former Ku Klux Klan members were arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 1963 that killed four young black girls.

2000 - Austria, the US and six other countries agreed on the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era forced labor.

2001 - The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp based on Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts comic strip.

Happy Birthday
Sandro Botticelli, Italian Rennaissance painter, most famous for his impression of The Birth of Venus (c.1482-86): 1444 - 1510

Edward Jenner, English scientist, pioneer of smallpox vaccine: 1749 - 1823

Joseph Norman Lockyer, English scientist and astronomer, discovered helium: 1836 - 1920

Maureen O'Sullivan, Irish actress: 1911 - 1998

Birgit Nilsson, Swedish opera singer: 1918 - 2005

Dennis Hopper, American actor: b.1936

Taj Mahal, blues musician (NOT the building): b.1942

Enya, Irish singer and composer, best known for her song Orinoco Flow: b.1961

The Birth of Venus (c.1482-86), Sandro Boticelli

Another Weekend, Another Ridiculous Video (or three)

You'd think, after last week, I'd have learnt my lesson, and decided to leave the world of video blogging well alone. Not me. After another night of crushing boredom, and as a means of avoiding doing any work, I've made not one but THREE new videos. Actually, I've only made one, but there are two "versions" of it up, and the other is a highly unfunny joke. See for yourselves.

Now, back to that essay...






Saturday, 16 May 2009

Welcome, Europe! (but not everyone...)

This year in Homophobic Russia: Nul Points...

Some people can't tell I'm gay, when they meet me. That suits me fine - I'm not an ambassador, and as a character from a television programme once said, "unless I'm f*cking you, it's none of your business." However, I am in no way ashamed of who I am, nor do I attempt to hide it. I'm just not an "obviously gay" man (what the hell is "obviously gay", anyway...?)

Nevertheless, there are five ways one can spot my sexuality. First is my obssession with my own image, teetering somwhere between vanity and self-loathing, I can't tell whether "I'd do me", or if I should see someone about those unsightly flaps. Second, I'm British, love the theatre and adore pretty much every member of the British acting establishment, about 80% of which is homosexual - only 40% of them are open about it, but trust me, I've been to industry functions and dinners, the British theatre is full of gays. Third, my Windows Media Player playlist is dominated by fat - and some thin - black women with loud voices, camp white women with little talent but plenty of dresses, The Pet Shop Boys and George Michael. Fourth, I sleep with men.

I also love - and I mean LOVE - the annual Eurovision Song Contest. Everything about it makes me tingle all over: the dreadful acts, the dodgy accents, the poor-quality and often nonsensical songs, and the Scandinavian countries. Oh, those poor Norwegians. Say what you like about Eurovision - and I often do after a couple of glasses of Dyonisian fruit juice - the experience is fun, frivolous and flappity-flap-flap frippery.

But something terribly bad has happened to Eurovision. It all started when it began to take itself too seriously. Around about the mid-nineties, the contest became less of a naff-fest and more a kind of pseudo propagandist attraction. As if winning the contest meant you could show the rest of the continent how great your country is. Then, the voting pattern changed. Admittedly, the voting system was always a little suspect, with the usual political and historical blocs fulfilling everyone's expectations (France and Belgium, Greece and Cyprus, Spain and Italy, Germany and Austria, etc), but they rarely ever got in the way of suspensfully wondering which god-awful song would come out on top. Recently, the scandal of '68 was revealed, proving that even military dictators were willing to muscle in on the proceedings: of course, the Spanish flatly refuse any wrongdoing, and La la la is probably the only instance of the modern generation's defence in favour of General Franco; but we all know Cliff was robbed... Nowadays, though, Western Europe might as well give up all hope of winning, since the vast bloc of Eastern Europe has hijacked the entire thing, to the point no-one believes anywhere betwen Iceland and Hungary stands a chance of coming in the top 25. Since 2001, five of the eight winners have been Eastern European countries. I've nothing against their winning, but it takes a little away from the suspense. The Cold War had nothing on this. It was enough to drive veteran commentator, Sir Terry Wogan to quit, last year!

Finally, the last insult to suck the fun out of Eurovision is the controversial action of this year's host, Russia. Gay activists have used the contest, notably popular with gays all over Europe and on one occasion won by an Israeli transsexual, as a stage for protest against Russia's disreputable human rights record. Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov has even called homosexuality "satanic"! As I write this, the news of the peaceful protest being broken up by armed riot police had hit the headlines, and plenty of anger has been stirred by the international gay community. Eurovision was always a little political, but this is ridiculous.

Furthermore, when one considers that the contest is an unofficial gay icon (what is an "official" gay icon? Something for another article, perhaps?), the thought of anti-gay support and oppression against LGBT fans of the contest is almost ludicrous. Almost.

As I pointed out earlier, the contest has been used over the past few years as a platform for countries willing to present themselves in a positive light. What kind of image does all of this furore create for Russia, an extremely important country, politically and historically? Will LGBT tourists consider Moscow as a destination, when gay marches are recieved like this? Russia may have a lot to think about, on this issue.

Nevertheless, I will be watching, and will probably engage in the typically British pastime of laughing at foreigners, before realising just how crappy my own nation's attempts at winning will be. This year, as with previous years, I will be supporting both the UK's and Spain's entries. Neither will win, though...

Further Reading: "'You're not safe in Moscow', gay Eurovision fans told ahead of march", The Guardian Online

Perhaps this should have been this year's logo...?

Post-Show Update!
Well, well, well: this year WAS a bag of surprises! The UK came in a respectable fifth place, the gala was fun and full of spectacle, Spain bummed out completely (coming in penultimate position) and traditional losers Norway won with a record number of votes! I'm sure their win had nothing to do with them having the cutest boy sing it. He actually composed and wrote the lyrics for the song, so talented and pretty. Enjoy...


Film Review: Star Trek

Eric Bana, Zoe Saldaña, Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine in JJ Abram's Star Trek (2009)

Let me begin by saying I am not a Star Trek fan. That doesn't mean I don't love it, but only for the reasons any true trekkie would regard as haughty sneering. I don't sneer, I snort. Say what you like about the preachy dialogue, the hammy acting, the made-up science and the unfathomable technobabble - not to mention the pervading sixties' retro-futuristic feel of the entire production - the entertainment factor, sometimes precisely because of the aforementioned, is so strong it is hard not to like the show.

I also love the films, which take the basic premise of the original series and sustain a story arc over the course of five individual instalments. I am, of course, referring to The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home, The Final Frontier, and The Undiscovered Country. I have even recently begun to re-watch the whole saga, which, if you agree to look at from a critical viewpoint, provides some very interesting exploration of such universal themes as friendship, courage, selflessness, revenge, the human relationship with God, aging, and facing our own mortality. It was because of this, and the sheer prospect of watching Chris "you could lick him all over" Pine and Zachary "Sylar, the hottest villain of them all, from Heroes" Quinto camp it up in tight-fitting brightly coloured shirts while still trying to maintain their macho dignity. Also, Leonard Nimoy had agreed to return.

Despite what the hardcore fans are saying, which I will return to, this film is great! What it does is offer the viewers much more than a speculation of the early years of the crew of the Enterprise and its "five-year mission to boldly go where no man has gone before". It effectively retcons the entire history of the prgramme, creating an alternative history, and allowing the franchise to be reactivated for a modern audience. Of course, the basic elements are there: Starfleet in the 23rd century; gut-feeling, "I don't believe in no-win situations", Kobayashi Maru-cheating Captain Kirk; quiet, pensive, half-Human half-Vulcan conflicted Spock; gruff, grumpy, "I'm a doctor, not a [insert other profession here]" Doctor McCoy; various races and species all working together acting as an intergalactic United Nations; and a truly ludicrous plot. There are also some interesting changes. Most scandalous (in the trekkie community) is the destruction of the planet Vulcan, and the heavy reduction of the Vulcan population. Spock and Uhura's romance is also briefly touched on, which undoubtedly must have had hardcore Trek fans squirming in their seats.

However, the explanation for such sacrilege is there and openly offered by the characters: this is an alternate history! No Star Trek fan has a leg to stand on, considering that any perceived perversion of history is explained by the plot. There are no contradictions with "established" Star Trek history, since this is another history. Also, it's not real!

On to the film, proper. The effects are first rate. Watching in an obscure cinema in the centre of Madrid, I genuinely forgot about my surroundings and was immediately pulled into the world of the film. Only one moment led me to cross my brow and whisper to my friend: at one point, three characters jump down from space, enter the planet's atmosphere, pull their parachutes and land on a drilling device several thousand feet above the surface. I can only assume that a society with the technology enabling man to travel faster than the speed of light is also capable of creating spacesuits able to withstand such a freefall - and why did they fall from space, anyway? There is no air, surely? Apart from that - and the fact that Kirk was a little more ruthless with the villain's fate than Shatner's character would have been - I didn't question the spectacle.

Acting-wise, each member of the cast found a good balance between the recogniseable mannerisms and speech-patterns of the original cast, with the ability to add their own touches to their portrayals. I felt Zoe Saldaña, John Cho and Anton Yelchin, as Uhura, Sulu and Chekhov respectively, were the most (ahem) liberal interpretations, but their roles in the main story were so marginalised, they should be excused for their desire to define themselves within the film. Chris Pine was dashingly attractive - and surprisingly accurate - capturing Kirk's swashbuckling, hands-on, arrogant approach to comand, while Zachary Quinto was undoubtedly the star of the piece. Arguably the biggest name actor after Leonard Nimoy - playing "Spock Prime" - and Eric Bana, Quinto effortlessly created a multi-layered, at times tortured, Spock with whom I'm sure every memeber of the audience could either identify or feel sympathy for. Words cannot describe the glow I felt watching Quinto and Nimoy chinwag in that oh-so-Spock-like way in a short scene towards the end of the film. The supporting cast was also equally impressive: Bruce Greenwood made a commanding (obviusly) Captain Pike, acting as Kirk's mentor and fleshing out a rarely explored tidbit of Star Trek mythology; Ben Cross authoritatively transmitted the patient thoughtful Sarek, Spock's Vulcan father; while everybody's favourite shoplifter Winona Ryder gave an interestly - and sadly brief - turn as Amanda Grayson, Spock's mother. Even Simon Pegg - playing a practical homage to James Doohan's Scotty - and Eric Bana were good, the latter almost unrecogniseable playing vengeful Romulan miner Captain Nero.

The problem - and yet often highly-amusing element - with the original run of Star Trek, and especially with the remaining spin-off series, is that it took itself far too seriously, attempting to transmit a highly American image of universal harmony through a mixture of hippie-ideology and Western political-structure and foreign policy. The films focused much more on the relationship between the characters, using all of the "message" as a backdrop to the story, which ironically served to underline the importance of all of the intentions of franchise creator Gene Roddenberry. What JJ Abrams has managed to do with this year's instalment is redefine all of this, with an updated version which - despite the protestations of the hardcore fans - reaffirms the original remit of the programme.

Four Stars.


PS: Did I mention most of the male cast is hot...?

SPLASH!

Daryl Hannah in the classic man-mermaid love story Splash. What do you mean you don't remember it...?

According to fellow blogger, thegayte-keeper, this very blog gives you something "that cannot be matched." Apparently, I am also "a leader and one that isn't afraid to challenge the majority..."

Thank you, TG-K, for the illustrious Splash Award, and in keeping with the tradition, I shall present a few of my own. The rules are as follows, so if you find yourself on this list, then do as you're told, you bunch of reprobates: -

1) Put the logo on your blog post. I haven't done this, since I can't find it. Someone help with this!

2) Nominate up to 9 other blogs which "allure, bewitch, impress or inspire you".

3) Link your nominees.

4) Let them know by linking your award as a comment on their blog.

5) Link the person who awarded you.

So, without much further ado, here goes: -

the ka-os blog
So good, he's been splashed twice! TG-K describes him as "a soldier" for butting heads with him "on more than one occasion". I knew the author long before I began to read his blog, and he is a part inspiration for my own recordings. Agree or disagree with his views, he certainly promotes debate. This award is twofold: thanking him for being a good friend throughout the last few years, and helping me on more occasions than he knows - nor would I care to admit. He also loves Doctor Who...

Therapy Writing 101
Actually a sister blog to Dusty Boot's The Other Side Of..., this blog has to be read to be believed. Actually, I still don't believe some of the things written here. An amazing and extremely personal exploration into the author's past, Dusty opens up to his therapist, and now the vast internet public, and charts his history of abuse and victimisation. It's a wonder the man's still here. Dusty: I barely know you, but I'm very proud of you (not that you need my pride, of course).

Don Diego
I only began reading this blog a few weeks ago, when I found a well-written article written as a reaction to Eve Sedgewick's death. Since then, I've been following his updates, and I'm certain every reader wil quickly realise that this man is highly intelligent, extremely capable of intellectual analysis. He's the kind of person I'd instantly latch on to and call a friend if we were to meet at university; and I'm a little in awe of his astute awareness. Go read!

SGL Café
Like Don Diego, I have only recently begun to read this blog, but every time I check his posts, I smile. Funny and intelligent, I'd definitely recommend to anyone looking for commentary on contemporary gay lifestyle in the Western world. He is also a writer, and, judging by ka-os's review, a pretty good one, too.

Limited Means
Boy, does this man ramble! It's all measured, salient stuff, though. His self-observations are most enlightening, too...

Tim in Nanyuki

Effectively, an open copycat exercise, my friend Tim went away to Kenya for three months. Back home, now, but his experiences as a young British white middle-class student living it up in the ex-colony is very interesting. No photos, unfortunately, but there is plenty of detailed description...

There you have it. My recommended reading. Speaking of which, I really should get on with studying for exams and essays, soon... Enough of this wanky self-appreciation, now!

I had hoped this would never happen again...

Not unlike the scene in one of my classes

Let's play a game.

Imagine it is Sunday (if it is Sunday for you, then you're off to a good start). Now imagine yourself picking a DVD off the shelf. You pop it into the player, and up comes the full season of last year's Springwatch: yes, that's right, you've just set yourself up for hours of fun BBC nature webcam action, and I'm not talking about the kind of tits you see on the internet. Now imagine, for added viewing pleasure, sticking on the commentary, and whaddayaknow! It's being done by your Uncle Henry, who always tells the same "amusing" stories at every family function.

You've just had a fraction of the experience I have suffered in the last few weeks of my Spanish Literature and Cinema class.

I thought I'd learnt my lesson (no pun intended). Last semester, I had one teacher who bored me to tears, putting me off going to her classes. Not only were the texts she chose shit, but her manner was totally indifferent to us students, and I doubt she would have noticed if no-one were sitting in the classrom. I became so disilusioned with her, I ended up writing a note telling the teacher she was dull and uninspiring, and giving it as the reason for my failing the very exam I was supposed to be taking. I swore I'd never take another class like that ever again.

But there's always one, isn't there?

So this semester I'm doing this course, in which we study five adaptations of Spanish novels. Sounds promising - I'd avoided reading Spanish novels, after being put off last semester, but I told myself I would give it a go this time round. In any case, we'd be watching the films, which might make the experience a little easier; and there would be plenty of scope for dicussing adaptation and the theoretical differences between the two media as story-telling techniques.

We're now on the final novel and its film adaptation, and I can honestly say I couldn't give a rat's fart about the subject anymore. Not because the novels are bad: I've finished reading two of the five, and I really enjoyed one. Not because the films are particularly bad, either: though none are they of Almodóvar's thought-provoking standard (see below). Not even because the workload dumped on us is particulary heavy. It is because of the teacher. He's a total bore. He's also a dick.

I'm not fond of slandering unsuspecting Spanish academics through the medium of internet logs, but Juan Ignacio Diez Fernández (try saying that with your mouth full) is a dull, arrogant, inconsiderate bastard of a teacher. Why do I say this? Well, primarily because he appears to have made life unneccesarily difficult for his students for no apparent reason other than to increase our stress levels and blood pressure.

He calmly explained to us in the first class that there would be no exam for the course, but we would all have to hand in a piece of written coursework. Score, we all thought. He then proceeded to continue with the classes, waiting until about a month before hand-in day to decide on and tell us what the coursework would have to be about. Not only did he choose an irritatingly vague topic - "identity" - but has also asked us to include a "specific and relevant" bibliography: sorry, Juan, what? A specific and relevant bibliography: is there any other kind? What did he think we were going to include? The Merits of Salt in Modern Cooking, by Jerry Arsewipe? To make this worse, the class is particularly popoular, and there are around fifty students taking it. This means that there will be fifty-odd students scrambling about in the library for books - of which there are usually only one or two copies - and the DVD prints of the films. Oh, did I forget to mention there is only one copy of each of the films in any of the several libraries on campus?

For all the guff about there being no exam, we still had to take a "basic questionnaire" covering what we had done in class up until that point, on Thursday. Hmm - answering a set of questions individually in complete silence and under strict conditions for an hour? Sounds like an exam to me! The difference, according to Sr Diez, is that there is no "pass point" for this questionnaire: meaning that you either pass it or you fail it, you can't get 50% right and still pass, for instance. Added to this, in order to pass the entire course, you have to pass the questionnaire and get a good mark for the coursework. If you fail the questionnaire, you fail the course, since they go together. The final insult is that he has deemed it "impossible" to reveal whether we have passed the questionnaire or not, before handing in the coursework, meaning that I could have already failed, but I will still have to work my arse off to hand in what may be an excellent essay but is ultimately worth nothing, and a waste of my resources.

Back to my original point. He's a terribly dull teacher. He repeats himself constantly, takes fifteen minutes to respond to a point made by a student - leading me to conclude he loves the sound of his own voice; and he is so quietly arrongant, I sometimes want to get up and bludgeon him to death with the hot water piping. Last week, my patience was lost, when he invited a guest speaker to the class. Considering the last time I had a guest speaker lead a class of mine I left inspired, I was somewhat hopeful. All hope was squashed within two minues of hearing him speak. It was like listening to a younger clone of Juan Ignacio. Apparently, this man has written six books - boy, was I keen to read those...

You might think I'm having one of my typical moans about something which was ultimately my decision - I even had the chance to drop it. You're right. I'm angry with myself for making the same mistake yet again, albeit to a lesser extent, and nowhere near as depressing, as last semester. The only upside to all of this is that I have one-and-a-half-weeks of classes left, and all I have to do is get on with the bloody coursework, and attend these brain-drainingly inane classes twice more before having no more to do with Juan Ignacio Diez Fernández or his stupid assignments.

God, could you imagine how much worse I'd be if I were living in a truly depressing situation...?

Film Review: Los abrazos rotos (Broken Embraces)

Penélope Cruz in Pedro Almodóvar's Los abrazos rotos (Broken Embraces, 2009)

Pedro's done it again!

I must admit, despite being a HUGE fan of Almodóvar's films (I've seen all but four of them), I was slightly dreading going to see this, since it had an extremely hard act to follow. Volver, in my opinion, was the pinnacle of his career, encapsulating everything about Almodóvar: his insight on women and his extraordianily unique method of filmmaking. What with the performance of Queen Penélope (or is she a Saint, now? I can't tell) in the truly mundane Vicky Cristina Barcelona swelling her status - and her head - to Oscar-winning (but not deserving) superstar, I was worried this next venture would be nothing more than a vehicle for Pé, acting in her role as Pedro's latest muse (I've always preferred Carmen Maura). After the first ten minutes of the film, all my worries and fears melted away.

Put as simply as possible, the film's plot flits back and forth between the mid-1990s and the present day, charting the love triangle between Cruz's character, her empresario husband and her film director lover. As obssession, jealousy and betrayal complicate their lives, the three main characters continue to destroy themselves through misdirection, constant power struggles and dishonesty. The result is unsurprisingly tragic and fatal.

The fact that the story is narrated retrospectively and in a non-linear fashion facilitates the mystery of who is who, and who did what, in order to engange the viewer and force them to act as a detective. Meanwhile, the right amount of sympahy is felt for each of the characters, even José Luis Gómez's obssessive pig of a husbandincluding the supporting characters.

Keen-eyed viewers will also note the references to Almodóvar's earlier films - in particular Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios (Women on the Verge of A Nervous Breakdown, 1989) - and the use of meta-fiction and intertextuality which seems to have been gaining greater influence in the director's work over the past few years. Using his recogniseable repertiore of actors from his earlier films in certain scenes - especially Chus Lampreave and Rossy de Palma - alongside actors playing actors who appear as characters in versions of Almodóvar's earlier work feels more inspired and self-deprecating, rather than self indulgent or nepotistic.

As far as the acting is concerned, Almodóvar effortlessly gets the best out of his actors, and special mention must be given to Lluís Homar and Blanca Portillo as the blind director "Harry Caine"/Mateo Blanco and his agent and friend Judith García, who work so well together on screen it is hard not to believe the two have worked together on and off screen for over twenty years. Lola Dueñas, Carmen Machi, Rossy de Palma and Chus Lampreave keep the viewing experience buoyant with each of their respective comic moments, and Rubén Ochandiano maintains his triple role as comic past and serious present alter-egos, as well as tasty eye candy, throughout the film.

As far as my personal taste in Almodóvar's films go, Los abrazos rotos is not as enjoyable as Volver, but then again it is a different beast altogether. I still left the cinema feeling I'd seen another exceptionally good film, and when it is eventually released in other countries, I would strongly recommend going to watch it.

Five Stars. And that's rare, for me.


No English subtitles, I'm afraid, but I'm sure you get the picture...